post valentine..

your lips..your smile..your hand in mine..

how does a man like me seduce a girl like you? how how do I make you my one and only? hey pretty girl, can I be your man tonight?

Pretty Girl- John B.

How does one say he's in love?

Before when I used to think about a guy more than five times in a day, i consider myself in love.  So I let myself get close to that person only to realize in the end how bored I am with him and how disgusting that guy looks in photograph. Then I will always be too sick to get his phone call or too busy to reply to his text messages..sama ba? hindi naman.  I also got my share of being let down.

Once i "fell in love" with this guy who happens to be already taken.  Sa isip isip ko he's super sayang!  He's everything I pictured in my mind for a boyfriend since I was in High School..tall, college basketball varsity, cute, funny, nice, at rich(hindi ako mukhang pera noh! nasabi ko lang..)  but what's really endearing about him in spite of what he is, he's FAITHFUL to his babalu of a girlfriend.(in fairness to her, cute naman sya if not for her protruding chin) and It's not like me to try to wreck relationships or get something i like at other people's expense specially when it rightfully belongs to the other person.  So i tried as hard as i could to keep as strictly a seatmate(yes he was my seatmate!) as possible.  E kaso si mokong naman kept on complaining to me about his girlfriend na super jealous daw.  We actually talk about everything those days. Tapos lagi nya pa kong dinadaldal in the middle of classes so pareho kaming walang maintindihan and take note: this guy is off-limits to girls because girlfriend's friends are just all over the building(yes, girlfriend is in the same building too).  We don't even say hi when she's around so hindi ko maintindihan how he manages to come to my classes na hindi na kami seatmates(he's irreg) only to borrow notes na ewan ko kung alam nyang hindi naman complete since we were only chatting in class.  e anu nang sasabihin ng mga classmates ko!

in the beginning i try to shove off my mind the possibility that he might actually like me inspite of all my friends telling me otherwise.  e kasi nga based on all his kwentos, it's like it's not possible for him to get attracted to another. UNTIL we went on this educational tour out of the country for one subject.  sabi nya it's the longest he's been away from the girl,5 days.

we were almost always together akala nga ng tour guide boyfriend ko sya. NAKAKAINIS TALAGA! I don't know whether to get close or try to move away. I felt like a cancer patient trying to stay in between being a friend and being another woman!  like the mouse playing when the cat is not around.  e kasi naman ang sweet nya sakin e...I couldn't help giving in and being my naturally sweet self also.  (no lying, sweet talaga ako! hehehe) i thought, if he will think that I like him, assuming sya! so in short, I surrendered.

but right after we came back parang ilang days kaming hindi nagkita, so naisip ko it was the best time to try and evaluate the situation. yung magisip isip ba.. kasi naman it's really not right to get involved in such affairs. I decided it was enough. pero para namang tukso, the more I try to avoid the closer he gets. like pag wala namang prof he prefers to still stay in class when he used to rush to meet his girlfriend all the time.  tapos he started inviting me and my friends to this group gimmicks na napakahirap tanggihan since were like a group na, his friends and mine.  so we always went.  and we would always be seated together or close because of HIS initiative. bwisit nga eh.It's like he knows i neither could, nor want to refuse.  minsan pa after one gimmick hinatid nya ko but we didn't go straight to my home.WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BASTOS OKAY?! but it was crazy.we came from having late night snack bago nya ko inihatid but I guess we both wanted  afew more hours together.near my house we decided to eat again at one 24 hours fastfood.  and what's funny was even at this point we were both denying to ourselves what was happening.  as in no mention of it! sabi nya gusto nya daw umuwi in time for coming to school again(he has exam the following day).

i was just kidding when i told him "gusto mo jogging tayo sa memorial?".  but he actually liked the idea! so at 4 in the morning we went to Manila Memorial Park and tried to ignore the dirty grins of the security guards as we passed by the entrance.  Who else could be visiting a deceased at that wee time in the morning? sobrang nakakatawa talaga.  he bought me pa a rose from this stalls outside memorial! And guess what? I actually thought it was romantic! he made me wear his extra shirt kasi malamig.  I remember ang iniisip ko pa nun,"ang bango naman".hehehe  he was a really good guy, we walked for a while(among the dead bodies!) and then sat and watched the figures clouds formed in the nigt sky and the stars until they all faded dahil sumikat na yung araw.  natutuwa lang ako kasi he didn't touch even the tip of my finger. looking back, it still makes me smile to remember. para kaming sira ulo pareho diba?

after nun we just went on with not mentioning about it..until one time he decides to finish a full bottle of wine by himself(since I refused to share) and tells me that he LOVES ME PERO BAWAL and such bullshit as MALAY MO SOMEDAY.. yuck! tama ba naman yun?? and it did not end there! pumunta pa sya ulit sa bahay!  di ko pala nasabi nung inintroduce ko sha sa mom ko, nagbless ba naman! nakakahiya tuloy..bsta, yung mga romantic stuff na iniimagine ko na mangyari sakin, he made them real. nakakainis talaga sya...  kasi he just disappeared. ang sad noh?

but it's all good.  the moment I got my job(one month later)i almost forgot his name! hehehe the point of telling this story is that i realized na hindi porke head over heels ka with one person, love na yun. I realized it's not all about romance, not all about moments that seem to come straight from ur favorite love flicks.hindi pala ganun.

Sabi nga ng boyfriend ko, "how can you love somebody and then forget?"  when you really love don't you decide to stick to it whatever, and always?   I think love is not even about two puzzle pieces that fit together.  I think love is two puzzle pieces that don't actually fit but you can make so by trying to change the edges, something you have to spend time and effort on. they will remain the same puzzle pieces, changed a little, but now perfect for each other.  sa palagay ko it's not something you just find on the roadsides, uso pa ba ang destiny ngayon?  i think it's something we decide to create, something we choose to mold into perfection through our own hardwork.  and, that's what's going to make it more precious, kasi pinaghirapan. hindi makalimutan diba?